"time heals all wounds" . . . i say not

"somewhere down the road, our roads our gonna cross again, it doesn't really matter when".. i heard this song twice yesterday--first was when i turned on the television and second was when i was chatting with anjean about him last night. and i suddenly felt the hole inside my heart.

ignorance or stupidity? that's what i always had in mind. i have this never-ending battle in my thoughts between those two words.

was i ignorant with the feeling of love and hurt that's why i can't forget everything 'til now. or was it stupidity because i let myself get hurt this badly.

yeah, some say you get stupid when you fall in love. you forget the things around you and even worse you forget yourself. that's why stupidity always wins in the battle.

its been 3 years now and still can't forget about him. i keep on asking why he's still here. nobody knows the answer and even i can't answer my own question.

was it because i still love him? or was it because of the pain.i'm still looking for the right answer.

i do not love him anymore. but why on earth do i get jealous whenever i hear stories of them being happy. was it because of the thought that he easily forgot about me or maybe because of something that he told me before that she was the person that she wants to be with.

he told me he really loved me back then. yes i believed in that before considering that i accepted all the insults and all those hurtful things that was done to me before just to fight for our "love". i fought for him and all i thought he's going to fight for me as well. yeah he did fight for me but suddenly he got tired of it. i felt it and i decided to let go of our relationshp. it was a sudden breakup. i did not know what to do. i learned that he was already getting married to her and i was desperately hurt. so hurt that even now i'm still crying. . .

nobody understands me.some say "nag iinarte lang ako". some say im just not helping myself. but i am helping myself, i do. but i always fail.damn you for saying such things. you just don't know the feeling of too much hurt in your heart. you have not gone through the insults that i have received and all the hurtful things that i have been through. you have not felt the feeling of not showing you your worth, and worse, you have not experienced being fooled and even discriminated because of who you are. . (sigh).:'(

the pain still lives here in it had made a big hole inside my heart.

i had been broken into pieces but i was really glad that imboy had picked those pieces and shaped me up all over again.

but the hole's still there. i don't know if i can still erase it.
i forgive him but i still don't understand why he's still here.

pain surrounds me and that is the answer to my question. that maybe someday, when the pain fades away, he also fades away.

somewhere down the road, our roads are gonna cross again it doesn't really matter when.

yeah someday tuko.someday i will see you.
and you will see me happy.

boni.. i salute you.

they said: classmates! wala tayong klase sa friday!


and i said: Yehey!! yehey!! yehey!!





....not even asking why.. i just went on with my thoughts on what i'm going to do at home...sleep, maybe chat for some time, check my friendster and multiply and etc..


i was sooo occupied with my thoughts that i forgot to ask why.





then millie said to me asking: wala tayong class bukas diba?


then i said: yup,wala.





then finally......





i said: mil, bakit wala tayong class bukas?


then millie said: diba andres bonifacio day bukas...





toink* LOSER





i finally came to my senses that i was a loser.


i was rejoicing over something which i did not know. stupidity.





now, in order to pay andres bonifacio back (since i forgot his day.. and, grrrrrr, considering that he was my idol!), i'll share his story. I loved this article. i got this in the philippine daily inquirer last november 27, 2005 and i posted it on my wall.

The Tragedy of Andres Bonifacio

(taken from Inquirer- Separate Opinion, Isagani A.Cruz, November 2005)

Andres Bonifacio was the unknown indio who organized and led the Katipunan that ws to ignite the Philippine Revolution of 1896 and ultimately free this country from Spanish rule after more than three centuries of oppression. That enslavement might have continued indefinitely(probably up to now, considering the tribulation we patiently endured during the ordeal of martial law), if he had not chosen to defy the alien tyrant in his impregnable citadel.

Bonifacio was not known as a civic leader and did not belong to the principalia of middle-class educated natives that included among its members Jose Rizal and other propagandists. He joined the Liga Filipina but was not prominently active in it. He was a private person with a secret dream and consuming passion: to form the Kataastaasan at Kagalang-galang na Katipunan ng mga Anak ng Bayan. It was a task in which he excelled and succeeded as an effective organizer and a dedicated plotter.

I think it was the historian Teodoro Agoncillo who disagreed with the popular notion that as between Bonifacio and Rizal, it was the former who was the realist and the latter the idealist. Agoncillo held the opposite view, with which i humbly concur.

Bonifacio was the idealist because he believed the Katipuneros would win despite their limited resources because they were fired by the spirit of liberty. Rizal, who was more practical, argued that an appeal to reason and justice was sharper than the Filipinos' rusted bolos against the Spanish artillery that he challenged with the Noli and the El Fili.

Both of them, to their everlasting credit, died for their convictions. It is regrettable, though, that while Rizal's execution inspired the nation to great sacrifices in their fight for freedom, Bonifacio's death did not attract similar sentiments. He was killed in a secluded place away from the now hallowed field where Rizal was felled. And to deepen Bonifacio's tragedy, it created little interest among the people he had died to help make free.

It is a sad but unavoidable assessment that for all his achievements in forming the Katipunan that began with a small group of patriots until it swelled into an avenging nation, Bonifacio was less successful as a soldier on the field of battle. Let us note, but not derisively, that his military record was less than impressive, unlike that of the former school teacher from Kawit who became a better general.

Emilio Aguinaldo's skirmishes against the Spanish forces catapulted him to national prominence and potential leadership in the fight for independence. Soon people were comparing him with, and even against, the Supremo of the Katipunan. The man who shouted the historic Cry of Pugad Lawin on Aug. 26, 1896, was now facing a formidable rival for the leadership of the Revolution. Bonifacio was to lose that final fight.

To the military shortcomings of Bonifacio must be added his lack of political acumen. This was demonstrated when he agreed to go to Cavite for what turned out to be a showdown between him and Aguinaldo. Bonifacio might have proposed that the meeting be held in his native Manila, which was after all the capital of the country, or if this was impractical, at least a neutral place. Instead he willingly went to his rival's bailiwick, where his followers were outnumbered by Aguinaldo's comprovincianos.

Aguinaldo was elected president of the new government to replace the Katipunan, and Bonifacio, the erstwhile acknowledged leader of the Revolution, was demoted to a mere member of the Cabinet. Outwitted and outflanked, Bonifacio refused to recognize the election and angrily marched away with his followers. His defiance was considered treasonous by a special military tribunal that sentenced him to death.

Aguinaldo reportedly commuted the sentence but later restored the original penalty upon the advice, or pressure, of some generals. It was unceremoniously carried out on May 10, 1897, and Andres Bonifacio died, like Rizal and in his own words, "without seeing the dawn."

When the United States took over our country while our forebears were still savoring that elusive dawn, the new rulers had to choose for our national hero between Jose Rizal and Andres Bonifacio. They opted for Rizal as the man of peace in preference to Bonifacio whose tempestuous nature might start another revolution, this time against them.

It was a wise choice for there is no denying the magnificent role Rizal played in the winning of our freedom. But his selection did not diminish the greatness of Andres Bonifacio, who stands equally tall with him among the heroes of our race.

wysisyg

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