"time heals all wounds" . . . i say not

"somewhere down the road, our roads our gonna cross again, it doesn't really matter when".. i heard this song twice yesterday--first was when i turned on the television and second was when i was chatting with anjean about him last night. and i suddenly felt the hole inside my heart.

ignorance or stupidity? that's what i always had in mind. i have this never-ending battle in my thoughts between those two words.

was i ignorant with the feeling of love and hurt that's why i can't forget everything 'til now. or was it stupidity because i let myself get hurt this badly.

yeah, some say you get stupid when you fall in love. you forget the things around you and even worse you forget yourself. that's why stupidity always wins in the battle.

its been 3 years now and still can't forget about him. i keep on asking why he's still here. nobody knows the answer and even i can't answer my own question.

was it because i still love him? or was it because of the pain.i'm still looking for the right answer.

i do not love him anymore. but why on earth do i get jealous whenever i hear stories of them being happy. was it because of the thought that he easily forgot about me or maybe because of something that he told me before that she was the person that she wants to be with.

he told me he really loved me back then. yes i believed in that before considering that i accepted all the insults and all those hurtful things that was done to me before just to fight for our "love". i fought for him and all i thought he's going to fight for me as well. yeah he did fight for me but suddenly he got tired of it. i felt it and i decided to let go of our relationshp. it was a sudden breakup. i did not know what to do. i learned that he was already getting married to her and i was desperately hurt. so hurt that even now i'm still crying. . .

nobody understands me.some say "nag iinarte lang ako". some say im just not helping myself. but i am helping myself, i do. but i always fail.damn you for saying such things. you just don't know the feeling of too much hurt in your heart. you have not gone through the insults that i have received and all the hurtful things that i have been through. you have not felt the feeling of not showing you your worth, and worse, you have not experienced being fooled and even discriminated because of who you are. . (sigh).:'(

the pain still lives here in it had made a big hole inside my heart.

i had been broken into pieces but i was really glad that imboy had picked those pieces and shaped me up all over again.

but the hole's still there. i don't know if i can still erase it.
i forgive him but i still don't understand why he's still here.

pain surrounds me and that is the answer to my question. that maybe someday, when the pain fades away, he also fades away.

somewhere down the road, our roads are gonna cross again it doesn't really matter when.

yeah someday tuko.someday i will see you.
and you will see me happy.